A Troutnut1 repost...   DATE Unknown

Mrs. Troutnut and I spent our first 19 years together drinking and smoking and partying excessively when I finally saw the light and quit smoking and drinking on 11/21/98.  Both were killing me and so I thought the world, and Mrs. Troutnut, would be happy to see me quit these deadly addictions.

I was not prepared for what happened next. Old friends and Mrs. Troutnut were not appreciative of my quits at all. They said a lot of stupid stuff. Like “you can’t be an alcoholic, I drink more than you do!”.  I lost the smoking battle in about a month but kept my sobriety.  Mrs. Troutnut was kinda fake supportive.  After perhaps 5 years I thought it would get better.  I was healthy again, all our bills were paid off, and I was on top of the world.  But Mrs. Troutnut was still saying things like “I liked you better when you were drinking.  Things were more exciting then”.  I finally came to realize that we had unwittingly written and broken some sort of unwritten “contract” that we would party to the bitter end.  “Till death do us part”.  But as death neared, I had changed my mind, and decided I wanted to live somewhat longer.  And spouses and significant others are not always appreciative when we break that contract, no matter how good the reason.

Mrs. Troutnut and I worked through that eventually.  Things are great now.  On March 1, 2001 Mrs. Troutnut quit smoking and I threw in with her.  She tried to keep her quit a secret, but I figured it out and joined her.  Today neither of us smokes, I am sober, and she makes sure she is sober when around me.  Her drinking is very minimal (something I always wanted to do, but was never able to pull off).  Both of our health and finances have improved immensely.  I am very appreciative of that, and we will soon celebrate 32 years of marriage and 36 together. 

I don’t know if anything I just said will be helpful to others who have a spouse that is still using.  Perhaps we can be a little more empathetic when we realize that it might have been us, who broke the contract unilaterally, even though the contract was a sick one, based upon addictive behaviors, and probably would not have stood up in court.

Even though we didn’t even know there was such a contract.  Those spouses have previously seen us as their drinking and/or smoking buddies, and they might feel cheated and/or abandoned when we break that deadly deal. 

Never underestimate the power of a good example...  But let us try and be gentle in the process. 

Your friend in Montana   Troutnut1-dennis